In the beginning there was nothing. After the Big Gravy Stroke, the myriad of splatterings pulsed with life and congealed into planets, lifeforms, and El Schlong. Three homosapiens on a righteous crusade to create. Their numerous musical influences combined with their own creative juices leaving the stiff cloth you hear today. El Schlong's music is metal with a twist of random. Like satan in the bath puzzled by the ginger pube on the soap. Like a bloodied 2 by 4 with tinsel trim. Like Colonel Mustard in the ballroom with the meat tenderiser ..................... After being chased out of New Zealand by a crazed mob, the band relocated to the bright lights of London where they are slowly gathering a following of confused young men in white makeup, and others. In April 2008 they released their debut full-length album "The Baddies Are Coming". You may purchase this at good record stores NZ wide, through their myspace site, here, or from the sifty one-eyed man in the alley down yonder. If he tries to sell you the "coathanger combo", politely decline.

El Schlong is:

BALDY – bass and vocals Influences: The Simpsons, David Brent, Emerson’s, John Cena (word life), the Invers crew, P addicts Bands: Amon Amarth, Necrophagist, Mudvayne, Kataklysm, Strapping Young Lad, Deftones, Pantera, Black Dahlia Murder, System of a Down, Tool, Jamariquoi, Space Themes, Mastodon, Supergroove, American Head Charge, Chimaira, Slipknot, Fear Factory, OLD Metallica, Sepultura, Dimmu Borgir, Machine Head, APC, Radiohead, At The Gates, Lamb of God, Sikth, DEP, Sage Francis, Behemoth Bassists: Ryan Martini, Juan Nelson, Les Claypool, Fud, Fieldy, Pete (funky white boy) First album purchased: Metallica - Metallica Books: Biggles series Movies: Lord of the Rings series

LEAH – guitar and vocals Influences: Science, clever comedy, inventive insults, The Family Guy, Bill Hicks, Steven Hawking, Hunter S Thompson, the Langleys, Captain Rad and the Rad Patrol, Simon, all the bands we play with and people we meet Bands: Death, The Beatles, Pantera, Primus, Dillinger Escape Plan, Alice In Chains, Vivaldi, Isis, Bach, Dimmu Borgir, Tool, Cripple Mr Onion, Duo Jackson, Mr Bungle, Church Inferno, Faith No More, Necrophagist, Fantomas, Anji Sami, Radiohead, Estradasphere, Hatred (Invercargill), Lamb of God, PsyOpus, Ravenous, Radiation 4, Meshuggah, Muse, Amon Amarth, Mastodon, Agent, Christpuncher (Dunedin), Cephalic Carnage , Queens Of The Stone Age, Behemoth, Between The Buried And Me. Guitarists: Chuck Schuldiner, Dimebag, Darryn Malakian, Mathew Bellamy, Buckethead, Trey Spruance First album purchase: Queen - Greatest Hits Books: The Diceman, Fear and Loathing in Las Vagas, The Black Dahlia, Fight Club, Rant, A Short History of Nearly Everything Movies: Fight Club, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Flying High, The Secretary

JORDAN – drums and vocals Influences: Nature, tattoos, Shakespeare, porn, patterflaffers, draggadiddles, flamtaps Bands: Death, Misery Signals, God Forbid, The Red Shore, Killswitch Engage, Lamb of God, Amon Amarth, Tool, Primus Drummers: Richard Christie, Marko Minimum, Gene Hoglan, Steve Gadd First album purchase: Nirvana - Nevermind and Fear Factory - Demanufacture Books: 1000 Tattoos, Extreme Independance, Do Aliens Exist? Movies: Fifth Element, Bad Taste, The Postman, anything with Bruce Willis

Old Members:

JACOB - vocals/scat magician

CALLUM - drums/street realist

DYLAN - drums/champion